26/04/11: i though you really want to leave me.. and i'm happy your not!

how do i start and begin with this note? typing down what i've felt. the anger, pain, sufferings, heartaches, sadness, and etc. how i wish i'm going to die sleeping or have a sick that may lead to death. how could this be happen when you gave all your love to the person you want to be
 with and don't deserve a certain effort.. i face all challenges. meet those stupid reality that cross by with no condition to stuggle my life in miserable.. i cried and cried till my last tears wash the pain in my heart.. those moment that i've been so lucky enought with the person i loved. those laughter that i showed over joyed infront of you.. those time i didn't waste just to see a person i merely inlove with.. those days was just like a dream of happiness and reality. hapiness that end with sadness.. and reality that full of uncertain things..

to the person i loved..
it was way back in three years when i recognize someone like you.. and i never tought this would happen that love cross our pathways with different meanings and feelings in our heart..  some people tells me, if i've been inlove with the person whom i love then he is lucky enough to have you. some people understands me for who i'm really i.. my personality, attitude, apperance, and it's just the way i am...simple, childish kind of personality..

you've said that your affraid that you might loose me.. you said there will be forever. and all that you've said is just a only word how a girl will fall inlove with traps of sayings.. prove me i'm wrong.. prove it.

you made a wrong decsion, or maybe i was the stupid one crying out for no reason.. i push myself hard to understand you. swallow all my pride too end up the fight. and i don't get it.! why should we always run trough those misunderstandings in life.. i always said to myself that i'm tired of getting hurt.. but i should not be.. i should not..


This is who i really i am.. writting all what i felt..because i could express it than showing my anger to anyone else.. i cried  because i'm scared to kept the pain in my heart.. i always pray and ask God why?. why is their anything reason??.. maybe i'm used to it.. to get hurt..or is it  just a part of my life.. because every person i loved hurt me as they want to felt for them.. i tried to be strong enough.. but enough is enough.. i tought you know me better.. and its a no.